I have to say, it is easy as a Peace Corps volunteer to slip into feelings of disappointment at times. When I think about everything I wanted to achieve in the beginning of my service, (battling machismo, fixing the situation for abandoned or neglected youth working in the streets, huge research projects, etc….) okay… so I never actually expected to be a super hero and really do those things…. But I did expect to make some sort of dent. I sort of roll my eyes at myself sometimes… I have realized now, that when I step into those idealistic moments of saving the world, my ego is about the size of a hot air balloon! I now wonder what ever made me feel qualified to 'fix' those 'issues' in the first place… I realize that I have not always been as 'culturally sensitive' as I (Miss Sociology / Anthropology Lover) thought I could be! Just because I am from the United States does not qualify me to 'fix' anyone or anything. I had this feeling about Peace Corps before I joined… like there is a sort of built in belief that we as the US are 'advanced'. Sure, we are in many ways… but I think we need to get our feet back on the ground J
My perspective has changed so much as a volunteer. I have changed from a 'fixer' to an observer and vessel for realizing other peoples desires. Instead of analyzing and criticizing systems, I believe it is really important as a volunteer to instead find the people in your community who have a certain passion for a cause, hopefully ones similar to yours (maybe different) and learn everything you can from them to join in on their quest.
Doing this has created incredible bond for me in my community. If you would have told me when I first got to Ecuador that someday I would have life-long friends, more family and even heroes, I probably would have shrugged it off and told you 'yeah right' (hey, just being honest!) When I first got here I had major culture shock… I had no clue how I would ever achieve a friend when I felt it so difficult to relate to locals. A part of that was my lack of Spanish but mostly it was my lack of understanding of the culture.
I used to really dislike the lack of privacy and alone time I got here…. As North Americans, we REALLY value our independence and alone time…. Here I have ACTUALLY learned to see things a little differently. This for me feels like a huge victory! It is amazing to look back at the things that once drove me insane here and find that I love them now. Small examples being… salsa music at all hours of the night, guatita (or a dish that involved cows stomach and peanut sauce), tomato juice, extreme friendliness no matter WHAT mood you are in…. and lastly and largely- turning to company when sad instead of turning inward.
Here in Ecuador, no one wants you to feel alone. Feeling alone is the worst possible thing a person can feel. To me, this was difficult to accept…. When I wanted to be alone the most (when I was feeling homesick or physically sick….when I wanted to read or just veg out in front a movie…)_ those were the times when family and friends and coworkers came knocking at my door the most. I wouldn't take that leap in the beginning. I was stubborn and just wanted my SPACE (typical American ;) )
Well, something happened somewhere along the way…. I started letting people in. I started turning off the laptop and stepping outside into my community. I started conversing with those overly friendly people instead of giving short answer (which I thought were CLEAR hints that I was NOT in the mood to talk haha but…. The other party never seemed to pick up on those clear hints) Anyways, in the process of taking that leap and becoming more comfortable and turning outward instead of inward… I fell in love with Ecuadorian culture. I have to give my volunteer buddy Marissa credit here for helping teach me through her own experience. Marissa always takes the leap!
My leap has lead me places I never dreamed I'd end up. I have made amazing friends and absolutely adore my generous host family… Also, I have met new heroes to compliment the ones I already have (Mom, Dad, big red…. I have something to tell you….there's a couple new ones joining the pack!)
Rosa Lopez is a 'luchadora' or fighter. She is the head of the women's movement here in El Oro (my province)… she has taught me to get in touch with myself, and my feminist beliefs. She is a wise woman, brave enough to fight for the rights of the underdog here…and I admire her and everything I have learned from her.
Then there is my host dad and my host mom…. BOTH survivors of cancer (both cases of cancer happening within the last 2 or 3 years….) Pepito, my host dad, recently overcame kidney cancer. He had a tumor the size of a football. I truly believe their positive outlook on life is what saved them both. Regardless of the hardships they face, they have smiles on their faces and a deep rooted belief that it really will all be alright! Then there's my 23 year old host sister who took on running my host dad's VET (70-80 hour work weeks) all the while doing her thesis and not complaining even once….just saying it is all worth it because she gets to help her father.
There seems to be a running thread here… these people value human connections deeply. I have turned from a 'fixer' to an honorary Ecuadorian (if I am allowed to say that about myself? Feels a little weird haha) A girl that takes part in the culture. I have realized that all these accomplishments that I want to add to my belt or head or whatever…. Aren't nearly as important as valuing the ones I love. I have had one woman in my circle here die, a feminist fighter and founder of the women's movement, Teresa, and seen many others fall seriously ill.
I hear of more illness and death here than I ever have in my life. So I guess this is causing a paradigm shift!
What good are all of our degrees, promotions, money, and success when we fall seriously ill…or (morbid sorry!) but its true… die?
Who will be there in the end and what will we have truly enjoyed in life?
So this brings me to small victories. My peace corps projects ….and then the larger victories…. The heroes I have met. I celebrate the small victories….like my women's group that have begun to finish their first recycled art products and set personal goals! Then I really celebrate the people… The man in my barrio where I work that was brave enough to join these women (despite machismo and the people that would make fun of him) and make a recycled art change purse as well! The 21 teen girls between the ages of 11 and 17 that I worked with yesterday who were all once victims of sexual exploitation (being forced into sex work) who welcomed me into their home, smiled and laughed and shared their positive perspectives on life and the world with me (despite the odds, these girls are genuinely happy and excited about life). Those are real heroes….
So I have to say… it is easy to be disappointed as a peace corps volunteer…if you have the perspective of being a 'fixer' instead of a friend.
Now, as a friend, I have to say….this experience has been INVALUABLE. I feel like a different person….and a much happier person…. So, I am truly grateful.
My cutest new little friends with my project partner and great friend, Andrea!
Women from the Women's Movement at a fair in a nearby town.
Alex Munos' awesome women's group that inspired my women's group (all those hats and purses are crocheted out of plastic bags!! Woohoo recycled ART)
Betty, part my women's group, finished her fourth change purse!
Brother of one of the women in my group who finished HIS first change purse! We are hoping to have a fair in a month to sell all these awesome recycled art goods!!
